A Personal Health Share from a Personal Perspective

Can you imagine being in a place where you can only do the work you love for one or two hours a day, though you want to do so much more, you just can’t?

My joy is teaching and mentoring and explaining Human Design, something I’ve studied and practiced for almost a decade. And yet right now, I can only speak between 1 and 2 hours a day, before I have throat pain tell me in big bold red letters to STOP.

When I was diagnosed last summer with Hashimotos Autoimmune after over a year of wondering why I felt sick so often, my mind panicked at first, trying to figure out what to do to get back to health right away so I could keep my commitments to my students (hello mind!).

Hashimoto’s disease is a disease of autoimmunity. It has various root causes. The immune system can be triggered by causes such as:

• Allergens
• Drugs
• Stress
• Toxins
• Processed foods
• Infections

All of these triggers can cause different immune reactions which will lead to different symptoms. It also runs in my family; my mom has and maternal grandmother had it. “Relative to the thyroid ducts, the biological conflict is about powerlessness, helplessness (I have no control)” says German New Medicine. My Gate 21 (Gate of Control, Line 3, powerlessness) is in an undefined state thanks to my conscious Venus, values, and relating. This is a relational wound I’ve had all my life that only started healing recently thanks to HD. (I informally polled my FB friends on this topic last year.)

When reality set in after months of 1-3 times per week visits to all kinds of health care professionals to get to the bottom of what I was dealing with and what I would need to go through to get back to health, my mind had to let go of the desperation to get better faster. I discovered the surgery I had two months ago was just the beginning of a year-long silicone and heavy metal detox, along with recovering from all the associated issues that came with breast implant illness.

I remembered to relax and take it one step at a time.

Just as it took a full seven years of deconditioning for me to heal the not-self shadows:

Scary stories that I believed in about why my mind thought everything bad in my life was because there was either something wrong with me or something wrong with others…

Just as it took many years (20+) to get to this place where it feels like death knocks, goes away, and comes back again another day…

So too the reality is that it is taking cycles of time to come out of the depths of this kind of physical toxicity, SIBO, kidney nephritis, mold-illness, candida overgrowth, food sensitivities, Hashimoto’s autoimmunity, chronic fatigue, Gut Dysbiosis, a stubborn H. Pylori infection, several Viruses, TMJ with degenerative disease and a myriad of other symptoms of Illness due to 20-year-old Breast Implants, thankfully just surgically removed.

Last month, I had a particularly bad health scare. I felt the horror of not being able to function, feeling like death again as I had last year and the year before, that all too familiar sensation so many Breast Implant Illness sufferers complain of.

I watched as I became helpless, where it felt again as if I was dying, in so much pain that I could not do what I love (teach) because I simply could not speak.

When I remembered that both my North Nodes were in the realm of the Splenic Center as I transitioned over into them because of my Uranus Opposition, I laughed. Because this is now the focus of my movie for the rest of my life.

Each of the undefined centers in our designs is where we are going to school in this life. Can you imagine being a scientist graduating college without doing any experiments or experiential classes in the area of your diploma’s subject matter whatsoever?

In my design, I have had to face my fears of personal death without achieving my life’s work (unconscious North Node 28) thanks to the many health challenges I have faced on my journey lately. When I was sick with Covid early last year, I can remember completely grokking how one could be able to let go of life to end the body’s suffering.

We all experience death in our lives. Death is a doorway into a new discovery on a different adventure. Death is a cyclic, natural occurrence for this 9-Centered Human. We live until the body has had enough and says no instead of yes to life (Gate 29).

My mind feared death since childhood. I remember being out on the ocean, floating in a zodiac boat, surrounded by dozens of canoes filled with paddlers. The sound of my mother’s weeping accompanied the scattering of our paddling coach’s ashes on the ocean, with hundreds of fragrant plumeria flower leis bobbing on the surface. That was the first and last funeral I attended, not having gone to any others thus far despite losing grandparents.

I remember being in the family room of my home alone in the lazy boy recliner before my 12th birthday. My mind was contemplating non-existence. All of a sudden everything was blackness and I was No Thing. There was no sensory experience, just a ceaseless void.

I remember coming to and feeling stunned, wondering what had happened, and searching my mom’s esoteric book collection and haunting new age bookstores everywhere I went to learn more about the nature of our reality for decades.

With Pluto making its final pass over my conscious Natal Moon, while the body struggles with vitality, Death has been on my mind a lot these past few years. The death of a Karmic lover in 2019 really brought these morbid thoughts to weigh on my mind.

Recently I tried shutting down Facebook to minimize the stress of feeling overwhelmed but because I had so many services linked into that login I had to open it up again. When I did I was overwhelmed with messages I had no energy to reply to and posted something to explain my absence and lack of response to messages that feel like too much of a demand on my time and energy.

I shared what I was going through health-wise on my Facebook wall, asking people to please contact the office rather than messaging me directly.

“Please forgive my lack of availability. If you need something work-related, please contact the office as I’m cutting off anything that isn’t critical to life right now. Health Update for people who love me: I’ve got a CAT scan appointment for the end of the month to see what we can find to help the pain in my head, throat, neck, and jaw. I’ve been in a lot of all-over-body pain. My doc says the chronic sore throat and right ear pain developed last year is due to the Epstein Barr Virus. It hurts, but not like how my Left nostril hurt yesterday. It felt like the inside of my left nostril was melting down my throat and there are sores inside. Thanks to this past year, since Covid, Breast Implant Illness, Hashimotos Autoimmune, and now a Mast Cell Attack, I’ve learned what a Migraine Headache is and how to manage it. My left eye has been burning, pain radiating through the stomach and heart meridians to the corner of my nose. The tongue is chronically puffy and swollen. The Left and Right jaw are in a lot of discomfort, clicking when I open my mouth and shifted out of the joint. The entire front of the neck and inside throat hurts off and on. Chiro says it’s the left TMJ that is tight and causing right-side difficulties. I cannot open my mouth wide, sometimes it gets locked in clenching or open. Chewing anything hurts, thankfully I’m Thirst determination so liquids are fine. Hurts throat to speak for longer than a few minutes and anything louder than gentle conversation. Sometimes I can’t concentrate due to the pain or brain fog. There are sharp chest pains that come and go for over a year now in the middle, my Acupuncturist says they’re spirit points. Sometimes I cry because of fear, but my mind is calm mostly. Easy for me to get stressed since last fall though so I’ve had to cut back on work. My left knee gets and is swollen, chronic left wrist hurts, both hurt to bend, left hip pain that reminds me of the repetitive injuring of it in my Ironman Triathlete days. There is left shoulder pain between the scapula and spine. Random finger joint pains in both hands. Right kidney chronic sharp pains that come and go; I was hospitalized in 2010 with infection and resulted in Nephritis. Despite it all, I can watch and appreciate my life; 3/5s are tough cookies.”

As a 3/5, I can shrug and laugh at the irony of asking for no messages and getting unasked for judgment when shortly after a message arrived: “3/5 aren’t tough cookie - life doesn’t have to be this way - when aligned everything is fine … lol jeez this post you shared so full of mind stuff ! just get out of the bullshit seriously !!!”

Experientially I disagree with the above statement. 3/5s ARE one of the toughest of cookies, right up there with the 1/3. The difference is the 1/3 has a tough body, while the 3/5 has a tough mind, with the mind being the transformational part of the movie I watch since that is how I am learning for my own purpose to be fulfilled.

With a 3rd line Abstract mind, I am designed to be a realist. The imperative of an abstract being like myself, with a core essence shining from the heart of the human experiential way (30.3) having a personal perspective is to impersonally share my process of how I feel in acceptance of my cyclical process of healing.

Feelings will be what they are in facing Fate, and I share them privately with my friend and student group as an experiential expression of my life’s work. As you can see, 30 is in the 1st half of the 1st Quarter of Initiation which is purpose fulfilled through Mind’s learning.

Thanks to one of my LYD Guide students, Paula Hein, for making this graphic from one of our Projector classes together!

I remember one of the things an Analyst picked up on was how I don’t have to be available to everyone, any time, all the time, and is in fact unhealthy for me to give in to any immediate pressures to take action on others’ expectation. So now I know to remember not to jump to if there’s no energy to reply, and if it comes back I will be clear or not, and if there is no clarity, there is no action. “Nothing personal” and yet from my personal perspective, alignment is highly personal.

I feel grateful that in a time of doing my best to conserve energy for healing while still maintaining my mission of spreading the flame of Human Design that Ra lit for us, my team and my students are coming together to support each other in our process of growth as individuals and as a virtual community.

I’m a teacher of form principle. I’m a messenger of the mechanics of form principle. And it’s not for the form in and of itself. It is a means to an end. That is, by grasping the nature of the form principle, by surrendering to the form principle is the only way in which the consciousness and the awareness can be liberated. What Strategy and Authority fundamentally does is that it takes away the decision making process of the mind. After all, this is what we’re all about in terms of the surface. You’re here to guide someone in being able to make decisions correctly as themselves.

But there is this hidden reward that is in that, that the moment that one transfers one’s decision making process to the form principle, this is the moment that you’re truly opening up the possibility of awareness in their life. When the Personality mind is not absorbed with trying to control the nature of being, trying to dictate whether it should do this or that and all the various things that the not-self mind will do, is that the mind is liberated to do what it does best, to do what it is here for. It is here to grasp maia. And it’s here to grasp maia uniquely.

~ Ra Uru Hu, The American Professional Human Design Workshop, page 17

Life is the classroom, our open centers are the subject matter, and we (our unique design imprint) are the student.

Being an undefined Splenic center person born with this design, one of the trials by fire I am designed to go through in this life and teach the lessons of my learning from is one of health, safety, security, and well-being.

How can one experientially learn about the decay of the body through disease and ill-health, or financial insecurity without having gone through it oneself?

Through reading other’s stories, witnessing it in the ones we love or serve around us, we can catch a glimpse, but it is never the same as actually watching our body age or experience health challenges ourselves.

A Projector is designed to wait for the big things in life (career, relationship, places, and opportunities that affect these things). Recognition (mutually given) and Invitation, inherently have a built-in energy exchange. Then, our Authority process can give us the go-ahead.

This latest Invitation to take better care of myself came from my body, and this body is Life. Since diagnosed I have spent several tens of thousands of dollars on doctors, supplements, surgeries, and devices just in this past year alone.

The good news is, it’s paying off! I’m happy to report, my Thyroid numbers have improved. :-)

And in the evolutionary spiral of coming back to health with a new appreciation for it, and a new level of self-care emerges, which is what is needed to take care of this one, precious body living its one, precious life to enable enough longevity to witness the emergence of the flowering of unique awareness. That’s all my aim is anymore. To see myself be me (and witness my not-self mind!), and share my feelings and imagination with those on this HD path as we journey.

Remembering that the mind is dependent on the form and that the body is the life… age 20 is so different than 30 which is even more different than 40 in my personal experience.

Yet our current 9-Centered Human Form is designed to have the possibility of its flowering at 50, the planting of one’s life work to grow in the fertile soil after five decades of experiential wisdom.

I feel grateful to have been invited into Human Design to begin to establish clarity of my mind early enough to wake up from the delusional misidentifications with my mind’s story before my Kiron return in 5 years.

Hopefully, as we raise our children from birth correctly, we can have more of the promise of Human Design fulfilled for our future generations.

I just want to say, thank you, dearest beloveds. For putting your time, energy, and dedication into the knowledge as is correct for you. For inviting me to share what I can of myself with you, and supporting each other in our lives and learning journeys together. And for helping me to remember, through the explanation of the human design mechanics, the serendipity of surrendering to the form.

Namaste, Laveena

Originally published in our community at HumanDesign.Live in April 2021. Join us there, free, to continue the conversation.