Our Software is Dependent on our Hardware

44 years old and the car accident occurred half a lifetime ago, yet the physical pain makes it present. How does one let go of pain locked into the form?

Remembering leads to a story that can be shared with others to pass on lessons learned.

And in our sharing of experiences, each of us contributes to our collective growth. Would you like to read and share yours with me?

My conscious Saturn is in one of the three stop codons we call Retreat, the Gate of Privacy. My imprint lies in the 6th line of Disassociation. My memories are designed to be shared in a way that can lead to eventual wisdom once I am emotionally clear.

Before HD, I was the most overzealous super-slave Projector ever. A classic overachiever and striving to be recognized for everything I wasn’t. A fantastic fake Generator, trying to be a magnificent Manifestor. Covering up my mistakes with false optimism and deeply pessimistic about myself, embarrassed about my life.

Now, I get as much work done in a week as an MG probably does in a day.

And, I feel more sweet and successful in so many ways despite the tremendous challenges I face that are tougher physically than anything I’ve ever encountered.

Instead of a human doing, thanks to the past decade of studying and using HD, I became a human being.

In Human Design, we use an analogy to help you understand your personality’s relationship (calculations in black on the right; “who you think you are”) to your Design (calculations in red, your body, which is your life).

Combining the two calculations as pictured above and below shows us the framework of your personal Maia (illusion or what we call reality).

This structure never changes from birth until death.

However, that is not to say we spring forth fully grown like Athena from Jupiter’s head!

All of us have a maturity process, like the aging of fine wine.

Our planets show us Life Cycles or additional programs that we run concurrently to our natal imprinting as we grow.

Yet the only thing that never changes is the structure of your natal Human Design, which is why we use this calculation for determining how to make choices you can trust.

The Personality construct is your soul’s imprint in this life, carrying data that shows us what you’ve mastered in past lives.

Calculations in black are your mental programming that you experience this life, either for yourself or in service to the collective.

This is our software.

The Design construct is your body’s imprint in this life, carrying data that shows us your genetic inheritance handed down to you from your ancestors.

Calculations in red are your physical programming that you are down to the core of your being and this is usually where we humans have issues, as its functioning is unconscious to our personality.

This is our hardware.

Combined, the calculations show our genetic blueprint of where we’re here to broadcast (defined) or be nourished by (undefined) life.

The open centers (undefined, not colored in) are places of hypersensitivity where we are here to learn about life. For me, a big one is the undefined splenic center (bottom left triangle) and so a lifetime of studying and experimenting with my health has my personal learning ground of experience.

My sincere apologies if you haven’t heard from me as I’m so far behind private messages and have not been keeping up with a lot of correspondence, even with my favorite people.

If you’d like to know what I’m going through, I have shared what it’s like to have your brainstem be compressed, what lead to it, how I found out, and what I’m learning, shared with commentary of how it relates from my personal perspective within our Human Design framework.

As Ra says, wisdom arises from the unattached observation of our openness.

Personally, I see these health challenges to the hardware as an opportunity for a personal reset. The Saturn and Pluto transits over my moon are closer to ending comparatively to the years they take to happen. The transformation of a human with the pain of life’s fragility is something we all go through at some time in our lives. I feel it has strengthened my compassion and my humanity to have these experiences, and though there is immense pain, there is minimal mental suffering. Thank goodness!

Spending time in self-care is a necessity for our physical well-being. Since I personally cannot be reliably “on” or available as much anymore, I enjoy music and learning through audios with my eyes closed. I miss a lot of things I can’t do, but my mind is not railing at my fate. Thanks, Ra.

Life is so precious, and my time when I have energy is so limited, that sometimes I wonder if this feels like what I imagine being handicapped is like.

I recently confided this to one of my dear HD sisters, 5/1 LAC Spirit Splenic Manifestor Nathalie Mfundshi, born a week later the same year as me across the globe. When she wrote, not all disabilities are visible, I get it, I felt witnessed (part of her design!) and a bit more peace settled into the experience. As she is also a fellow HD Analyst and LYD Guide, I loved that she sent me this impactful statement:

“PAIN is such a “great” signpost for us just like our Signature.

P = PAY A=Attention I=Inward N=NOW.

Its what its telling me when it shows up.

What am I ignoring???

What hunch am I not listening to??

Where am I not loving myself??

Where do I over extend my Energy??

This is where I go when PAIN shows up“

On Sunday, the body awoke unusually heavy and energy-less, and it felt depressed. But it was scheduled to be the first day of working with a new group of Living Your Design Guides in training. I’ve made it my favorite, which is analyzing their highest profit potentials. This is a place in HD where I have so much fun pioneering the implementation of Ra’s 64 Material Way techniques, explaining how people are here to be materially successful.

So I organized and took notes on their charts to get enough energy to speak to them about their designs. And as often happens, in the process of the “lighting up” of my being to “turn on” for a short period of time to teach (Design Earth 8.5 exalted, “the Teacher”) I felt more grounded and alive after the session. Thank you Moon and Jupiter for lighting up my creative inspiration (the other activations in this one unconscious channel of mine). It’s interesting how I never know if the energy will be there until I see it manifest, and how the pulse of melancholy can be transformed into creativity I enjoy.

I am so grateful to be able to converse with my students so we can geek out about HD together.

It’s now been just over a year since the diagnosis of Hashimotos Autoimmune was given to explain the ailments I’ve experienced.

This past year when I was well enough to drive to work, my office building is such that I may have a person or two who walks by occasionally as they move past the lobby and into the corridor to other offices, but I am not sitting in someone’s aura as I teach from my carefully selected corner office that I’d been keeping an eye out for since I moved to Sedona in spring of 2019.

Though I’m rarely there, it was nice to have a dedicated place with better internet for my workspace to focus intensely, outside of the at-home considerations like family and pets.

When I first moved to Sedona in early 2019, I attended my fourth in-person Human Design gathering (the first three were Pentas) and I witnessed the red-hot mess I became in a Wa after two days in Mary Anne’s last Human Design Immersion intensive training before she retired and left the area.

Still, I visited several retreat centers available in Sedona to check out what they had to offer, both alone and with my dearest HD mentor and friend, 3/5 Splenic Projector RAC Service Darshana Deborah Mathews.

In light of Covid-19 lockdowns, my own autoimmune struggles, and the recognition of the truth about needing tons of alone time and auric space to be my authentic self, my fantasies of being a part of in-person global human design conferences and small group retreats have subsided to the far background.

I dreamed for almost a decade of a retreat center where a Human Designed healing community might thrive, and when I came across Ra’s similar dream in the Differentiation Degree program a couple of years ago, that dream fired up even more.

Experientially most things are best delighted in through my imagination and are fun to share. With the design of a dreamer, dreaming these dreams is my way of observing.

My personality software, utterly dependent on and witness to my design hardware.

It feels like a success that I can move from the bed to the couch and occasionally to my meditation lounge where I do my guiding of others who invite me. The feeling I get from connecting with my HD peeps to study this fascinating system is the best! And thank goodness I can at least manage that, otherwise my mind says I’d go crazy.

I am so incredibly grateful to have fascinating topics to engage with you when it’s correct for us, like Profit Potential Coaching, Projector Success Secrets, and now Radical Transformations as a Variable Teacher.

I love that I get to engage with you, my fellow HD’ers about something we both love so much. Thank You.

Namaste, beloveds. Laveena <3

Originally shared with my community at humandesign.live in September 2021.